This Isn’t the Life I Planned

The mirror doesn’t lie. I studied my face after my shower. My skin isn’t as smooth anymore and the wrinkles are no longer being held at bay. My eyes moved to the damp mop on my head. The grays are popping out all over the place and I’m shaggy from going months without a haircut. What happened to me? I pondered as I dried and dressed. The girl who never left the house without hair and makeup done morphed into a mom/wife who rarely did either.

Ireland 91

Photo credit: Edith Dixon

And I had such big plans. (Ok, maybe more like moderate plans.) I used to dream of being a writer; tied to my keyboard, ever-present cup of Joe at my side. I figured I would want a family at some point, but didn’t really schedule it in the five year plan. I had it all figured out. Didn’t we all when we were young? But a few bad relationships and an unplanned baby sent those ambitions packing. Survival mode kicked in and set the stage for the better part of a decade.

I finally married and had another child which lead me here – being a stay at home homeschooling mom. I have been domesticated. My high school friends would be hysterical to see how much of a housewife I have actually become. I mean, I can actually sort of cook now. Shocking.

No, none of this was part of the plan. I didn’t plan on having kids ten years apart. I didn’t plan on not getting married until I was past 30. I didn’t plan on the trials, tribulations and tears.

But as I smoothed face cream over crow’s feet that mocked every stroke, my spirits lifted. No, this life has not gone according to plan and there is nothing about the life I have that I would trade in order to gain a part of the original plan. Years ago, I opened my heart wide and told God to take hold of my life since I was making a train wreck of it anyway.

Amazingly, through a serious amount of humbling, he gave me more life and more love than I could have ever given myself. Though it isn’t perfect, it is filled to overflowing. This is my abundant life. Yielded to Christ. Completely unplanned.

Is your life not going according to plan? I encourage you to take a deep breath and surrender it Christ. He knows how to direct your steps much better than you do.

Abide in His Grace,

Heather

This post was shared with Time-Warp Wife and Wise Woman Linkup.

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