Flying solo often creates a sense of pressure to quickly find a new father-figure for the home. Sometimes the kids pester you about wanting a daddy around. Other times your friends and coworkers are just dying to set you up with this guy I know… Ugh. Plus, there are your own thoughts and feelings with which to do battle. But this is not a time to hurry into a relationship merely for the sake of having somebody.
After going for six years without a single date (you can read about that here), I learned a few things from observing other singles and single mothers. These observations helped me to stand up to the pressures of quickly seeking a warm-bodied male to fill the void.
Get comfortable in your own skin. We spend a significant portion of our time criticizing and degrading ourselves, especially after losing someone who was supposed to love us forever. Have you ever looked in the mirror and thought would he still be here if I was thinner, younger…? You can’t let that get to you. Take this time to cultivate the qualities that God wants to see in you and you will become a truly beautiful woman, no matter what the world around you says. Appreciate the beauty that exists within you. It is there, I promise.
Know what you want in your next relationship. Be very specific and set the bar high. Yes, this likely means it will take longer to find that man, but your heart deserves a quality relationship. What flaws are you willing to overlook? What flaws throw a big red flag? How mature should he be in his walk with Christ? How is he with children? Once you settle these standards in your mind, do not waver. Remember, you are dating for your kids, too.
Your kids are watching. They are paying attention to how many men are brought into (and unfortunately sometimes back out of) their lives. They need stability during this season, which means that their mother can’t be introducing them to multiple guys in a year. It is important to show your kids that choosing the right mate is important to you, because one day it will be important to them as well.
Pray about bringing that right person into your life. “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God” (Philippians 4:6). Go to your Father and tell him what is on your heart. He is listening and he cares. He doesn’t always work quickly, but he will work it all out for you in His timing.
Seek God first. Above all else, cultivate your relationship with Christ. This is critical for you and for your kids. “But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you” (Matthew 6:33). And by seeking God first, you will become the right woman for the right man.
Sweet momma, I know this can be a lonely season, but stay the course. Don’t date just anybody. You and your children are far too valuable for that. Work on you, work on your walk with Christ, and that right man will come along when God says it is time.
Abide in His Grace,